Elenwen

I had my first round of chemo as an outpatient today and I’m finally home. We got there at 7:00 in the morning and I barely walked into the door here at home twenty minutes ago. It was BORING. I just sat in a chair while an IV pumped crap into my system. and I jumped up like once an hour because I had to pee and one of the side effects of all this is that I canNOT hold it. If I need the restroom, I need it NOW. But I spent most of my time reading and listening to music and being bored. I couldn’t sleep for some reason but I’m sure that was just nerves and next time I’ll pass right out.

I asked the doctor to prescribe me some anti-anxiety medication because I’ve been so anxious lately and it’s just going to get worse in Texas, so now I’m also on Lorazepam. I think it’s really funny that out of everyone in my family, I’m the one who ended up getting sick to the point where I have to go to the hospital every week and am always hopped up on pills. I was always the one who, even when I had the worst migraine EVER, would refuse aspirin. Bu now I just want to get better so I’m going to do whatever these doctors tell me.

I shouldn’t be leaving for Texas for another week or so because they don’t want to mess up my treatment schedule. They’re trying to get me into MD anderson, which is supposed to be like THE best cancer treatment facility in the nation, but it’s super hard to get into. So we want to make sure that I’m either enrolled with them or else find another hospital down there to go to. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be going to the MD anderson place though, because some lady just called from there and wanted to know how soon I could get down there. Kind of scary if it’s supposed to be incredibly hard to get admitted to and I’m getting phone calls asking that the exact day that we request information about it.

Everyone keeps saying how amazing I’m being regarding this diagnosis and how awesome my outlook is, but I think that’s mostly because it still hasn’t sunk in that this is CaNCER. I don’t feel sick at all, really. Just tired and sometimes nauseated, but I’ve been dealing with stuff like that my whole life, so now it’s like… I don’t know. I feel like I’ve always felt, for the most part. There are times where I feel really sick but overall I feel fine.

My dad shaved his head and said he’s going to keep it shaved until I get better, if my hair starts falling out. He looks so funny bald. It makes me giggle a bit every time I see him. My aunt Schella, who’s a nurse, came down yesterday to visit and make sure I was okay. She’s the main reason I decided to go to Texas because she normally doesn’t get involved in my business but she thought it was important enough to drive down from Mississippi and impress upon me the seriousness of my situation. I get the feeling that I’m still in the teenage mindset of “I’m invincible, cancer can’t hurt me.”

anyway, the lady from MD anderson is going to be calling back soon and I need my undivided attention on her because I get so easily confused with this stuff.